Thursday, April 10, 2014

imaginary lines

We shut ourselves in narrow walls, beliefs imaginary lines and just inhibit our growth what to question, whom to wrong you love your dog you love the sunsets and sunrise the stars, the rainbow even that lizard on the wall maybe but when it comes to humans we question the feeling the possibility, the reason the right and wrong misunderstood, relationship-bound tortured over, closing our hearts we bemoan the loneliness what sad beings we are love thy neighbour we say limiting to next door believing it's said 'cause they test your patience to the limits.. anything you love, anyone at all be it rose, rainbow or rain man, woman or child feel the joy within you touching the skies and flying high finding that elusive God we all look for didn't we feel him unknowingly maybe but could you compare that warm hug your child gave you carefree and full of love spontaneous, ready and trusting whom did you feel.. how do we soar, how do we find..... we never reach out, never touch illusions, elusive always leave us wanting, incomplete.. a farmer planted pumpkins on his land for no reason he put one in a glass jar which only grew as big as it’s size we have the freedom are born with it but these glass jars we each does it to ourselves and with limited sight, space, thinking go out to find ourselves and God.. happiness just round the bend forget to even look within our hearts……. Shackles- ever-tightening, narrowing, choking Yet we blame life-never ourselves And continue to exist-Caged Never checking the doors Self-conditioned Not even to try….


ashes or embers
etched in memory
the sparks of which
might haunt still

slivers of glimmering pain
shedding bit by bit
fossilized or swept away

yes you overcome me
with a fresh smile
holding me forever
under this spell of -

a miracle happening....

can you see my eyes brimming with concern
my smile holding such affection and warmth
can you feel my heart reaching out to you
willing you to heal
can you feel my words express all that i feel
do they touch you as coming from the core of my Being

yawning distances.. hot burning sand
what is it that becknons
oasis or desert storm
as mesmerized i perceive
footprints in the sand

deep blue skies shouting for joy pouring with abandon
welcomed with glee
the sun and the clouds vying with each other
as do your thoughts amidst such serene beauty
an odd mixture of sadness and joy
a blessing of nature and mixed pleasure
only the sharing in our hearts so complete....

your healing words and touch have made me feel whole again
all the wounds all the scars any shades of hurt or despair
were they ever there
any darkness within
who brought in the light made me see finally....

this silent night so full of life
each sound uniquely filling up my senses
deafening yet unheard finding haven in nature
mirroring my thoughts silent yet relentless
every pebble each leaf the starlit sky
their veiled guide giving them peace
while i look on with wonder in my eyes
why my thoughts nothing can appease....

distant sounds heard over the breeze
melodious moments pulsing together
in thoughts hushed, echoing
whispered words unuttered hung in the air
what couldn't be heard
what couldn't be seen....

does your heart ever miss a beat
lurching as if someone came knocking again
do your ears ever hear the missing
your thoughts left unuttered
do you ever look at the moon
myriad stars dancing in your eyes
do your eyes ever prick with a pain
ineffectually trying to be cleansed....

one is dying of cancer another of cold
you can't gauge misery, to each it's untold

each dawn i greeted the sun with a wave and hopeful smile anew
each time i look at the moon involuntarily i say 'i love you'
each star in the sky fills my heart with hope and conviction of dreams realized
each cloud seems to glow with defiance and belief pride and joy, faith inside
like the special smiles and wayward tears that none could bring but you
yes, i can't help thanking someone up there for helping your dreams come true....

each thought brings the message of spring
these joyflowers to bloom still look around for him
i carry and cherish both and yet it feels empty
and yet out of reach
what reality is it i need
how would you know of that gentle look
that firm hold
that ease in just one presence
fleeting touches like his words
soft ripples as a rose petal falling on water leaves
long after it's no more....

i felt a soul so pure and beautiful
then i looked into those eyes
clear, deep, that touched 
now when i look at the world
this is how i see....

each time i look at the moon i fall in love once again
is this your smile shining through it's reflected glow in my eyes
as i stand here bathed in Avalon....

sometimes i wish i could hug the moon
why does pure beauty always leave an ache
something that lives inside yet out of reach....

why does this recognition resonates in an echo within
striking chords of a missing in a Being so complete....

everything looks the same the missing now a recurring message
riding on the waves
do you see the rainbow do you realize the colors were all there
those clouds you moved aside
so are the shadows and so is the light
yes there is a horizon there is a smile
emotion pure emotion and nothing else
feel the hush the silent message
echoing in this natural paradise
soaring hearts on wings of love 
making Avalon real for us....

those dangerous webs around chilling ever-hurting
turn to cobwebs after all, that just leave you feeling dirty....

from the mist of expectations i see the moisture seeping through
a cauldron of molten hurt in eyes burning singed by strangeness
no matter how hard i blink to mirror that reflection
a blessing is all that brims from a lifetime of memories....

dreamscapes.. these 'vision' we escape into
myriad words, our own, beautiful, utopian
in vain we try to fit in reality and fall way short
cursing and ruing life.. for our own dreamscapes.. 

today i hear the cosmos in a deafening 
cascade of wishes.. blessing you!

how much time do we have on our heands
are we so sure of the next breath
do we have time to live ourselves
yet we make others miserable
just one life and so many moments
each individual's natural right to live theri way
how is it going to matter in the afterlife
if there's one
if your couldn't sit or walk the right way
shouldn't we quit pointing fingers
allow each person to breathe
actually take in fresh air and rejoice....

i can feel your hurt like teardrops of pain in my heart
feel the smile like a touch of joy
feel every emotion with no less intensity
is this a soulmate or insight....

swinging between virtual and real and their role reversal
we search for the drop that would slake our thirst
that missing piece that has puzzled us for years
which we shrugged off and discarded too
but that empty slot left it's gaping imprint
speaking it's own language
finding it's own answers
taking us unawares....

sometimes what we hate colors our own action
simply because it preys so strongly on our minds
after crossing a bed of roses you realizy
what you trampled underneath
those moments of euphoric ecstasy
fading in the face of guilt and remorse
what a choice we make for ourselves
a legacy of regrets for something so beautiful once....

a tiny lonely temple in deep wild forest
at the foot of a hill.. that's me....

in that wistful look he held a vision
pensive hope warring with innumerable doubts
raced across decades shadowing everything
except that little chink that spoke of life.. of joy..
that release from choked constriction 
the freedom to feel Alive
and he found it.. and he breathed again
embracing all.. heart drunk in wonder
he shouted out loud
yes, life is beautiful
yes, i'm a miracle happening
yes, i've found the song of my soul
...... the God inside......

i hold the mysteries of life waiting for these miracles
to happen impatiently.. all at once.. 
yet these walls.. inhibiting.. keep forming
i break them down.. i see a light.. a ray too
yet those doubts pushing me back
make me believe they protect me
and i curse my doubts in those walls
and yet that ray haunts me still....

who stepped in, in that one missed beat and made a  home forever
each breath entwined around this presence that took me unawares....

the clouds frowned darkly blocking the sun
the sky paling at this temerity
the sea grey with despair
in wonder i saw them glow themselves
suffused with the irrepressible laughing rays of sunshine....

all else faded save for that voice that moment that settled in my heart
beating to just one tune residing resounding your love
bursting some dam of mingled joy 
for i felt God in you.. can i ever be the same again....

bathed with the shower of autumn leaves
as if a welcome carpet spread by trees
a hush breathes in anticipaiton 
for even nature can't wait to hear
the sound of your silent tread
warring between hope and despair and this empty bench
i can feel the words breathing in me
skipping in that laboured breath
a language the silences speak untamed.. unsaid.. 

suspended in the cosmos a semblance of 'ground'
wanting to reach the skies.. it's where we are all along
truth and reality i wonder at it
we want to reach the moon that revolves around us
dreams of flying to where?
another galaxy maybe.. mirage.. all a mirage..

moving on is a part of life
is it so essential to trample all over everything beautiful
simply because of that
what of the fragrance left lingering somewhere inescapably
in moments taking you unawares....

in this sheer welling of emotion
my heart just went out to you
hugging this moment that breathes in me still
powerless in the face of such affection
unable to contain the joy of you
making my dream come true....

in this woven tapestry of life
it's hard to tell some things apart
with myriad colors filled in moments
captured in each stitch of time
giving pleasure in glimpses of pure beauty
amidst whispers of fond memories....

lost in the mists of time somewhere there was an us
why this love becomes a misty impression lost in the folds of time
deemed 'history'....

shimmering light foaming undulating peace mesmeric haunting
the sun yet to shine in a message of dawn
do i see a smile filtering through
lilting notes over the breeze 
in thoughts whispering the sound of your silent tread
racing heartbeats singing a crescendo of a missing about to end
as with tentative ecstasy and bated breath
i feel the hush as the silences speak yet again....

sometimes i wish i was an artist who could capture these changing colors for eternity
sometimes i wish i could read these emotions playing across your face furiously
sometimes i wish i could rest these fears plaguing haunting you without respite
sometimes yes sometimes i wish you could  bask in my smile and i could hold
your terrors inside....

an unexpressed warmth running riot in words that touch hearts
in glimpses of beauty veiled behind appropriate masks
accepted half-truths a living facade
breathing life into pages supposedly inanimate....

some questions unfformed in a choked up protest flit about  tormentingly
like wisps of clouds waywarrd directiionless
giving tantalizing glimpses of the sky, of sunshine
what is this elusive torture why the confusion
in a manic need to find answers
showers forth in words that need to  drench....

you hold some truth within you that compels me to speak.. to know
to undderstand myself.. and rise above and beyond
forming.. disinntegrating.. merging.. into that  'light' held within
deep within this dark hole 
and you hold my hand and gently lead unknowing who was there for whom
onlly a pull .. begging to be recognized
and a craving.. a hunger.. to satiate a soul
to fit that missing piece
in this long journey in this endless search
that begs fulfillment

this soul intoxication.. a losing of self
and this complete discovery of ourselves
and then learning about life.. like a new born child
this is love
but we experience it like adults
with all our 'beliefs' and 'prejudices' and 'walls' and 'self'
and end up full of bitterness
never really a complete surrender
never really giving it a chance
almost scared to live.. almost scared to hurt
always conscious of this 'self'
which should have been one complete whole....

dreamscapes.. these visions that unfoldd
strange images mirror tantalizing recognition
that elusive spin out of reach
even as you let me fade away.. a smile
would still remain
just for you
guiding.. constant
like that crescent up there....

you made me cry 
in rare moments one comes across a soul that really cares
and everything falls into place
hope faith life joy
i can only imagine  the care woven so deeply
the affection emanating from the gesture itself
one that makes me feel so small
one that leaves me speechless..
at this rare glimpse into such pure caaring
one thatt touches me so deep
in this welling of emotion uncontained
thank you.. for you.. 
for making this day so special
with you presence.. you gift.. 
for realizing something in my life..
my truth.. in  a friend.. in you....

roughly pushed on stage he feels the glaring lights focused on him
faceless.. nameless.. countless eyes judging .. criticizing.. 
wait as if in impatient glee
as he anxious tries to 'fit in'
and despairing feels all they see is a farce
and all he feels is a fake
a stage.. an act.. and yet who pulls the strings..

i don't know what troubles you
can't even begine to gauge it
all i know is ii can feel it
like an aching wrench each time
and it hurts
hurts to see the emptiness
the despair.. the futility
no you could never give up
just for a moment see yourself through my eyes
perceiving clearly this indomitable will
that i see all the time
aand know without any doubt -
with that 'bullheaded' defiantly stubborn streak
you will always be alright
no you don't need me by your side
just only  for a moment see yourself through my eyes....

just us.. and moments held in dewdrops of sunshine
that smile with each dawn helplessly
you see and don't.. your miss and hold
yes i've felt the sheer joyflowers that made it so hard to speak
as this cup ran over with pure fragrance
that settles softly deep within
just.. bless you.. i know this isn't easy
i'm just so glad you're on your way to finding yourself ffinally

as each holds the silence into eternity
they hear the undeniable whisper of the other's heartbeat
throbbing in open defiance of this semblance
of a presence no more there
mocking this cauldron brewing in thoughts
flooded with chaotic mayhem
searching for peace in this outward hush
the storm rages on....

through the deafening silence
struggling in these dark waters
i did feel a hand.. i did see a light
what sound reverberates
and touches me again and again
driving me crazy with this semblance  
of a presence chimeric
a tortured intruder
amidst fleeting glimpses of beauty
with sinking heart i realize 
unthinking i'd jumped in the deep end.. 

so many empty 'pockets'.. blurred images
the anger the hurt just makes me wonder even more
if you have a life.. if you carry on.. then why
why the accusations.. why the feeling of betrayal
sometimes i wonder if there is friendship
thhen why these games
i'm sorry
just sometimes.. i wonder.. why we go on.. together still
and the question remains unanswered.. 
as a choked breath never to be released
will these empty pockets ever be filled
will we ever truly be free....

some familiar souls as if from previous lives
tug at our heartstrings
wooing enticing into webs unsatiated
-a lesson left incomplete
and unaware we step in once again
in awe of the rapport, the pull
deceived by the inner voices
that are unable to recognize the spell-binding allure
of courting danger
coming alive.. sick to the core
choked with tearss.. anger rising to the fore
can anything ever be simple or any of it understood
some ppull.. some rejection.. denial and acceptance
this yawning void comes together in which puzzle
the pieces scattering about in a tantalizing cycle
as if to say.. gently chiding.. did i hear.. - a lifetime....

wish i could write like the sunlight softly reflecting off the moon
the changing colors at sunset  time
as if the sky has caught fire
merging burning singeing
as the sea desperately tries to mmellow it's wrath
soothing softening calming
wish i could capture this mellow dusky light in my eyes
playing havoc with my senses
tormenting creating a torrent of words
i almost reachedd out to touch and feel their expression
in your heart....

someone oncee told me words are formed by man
emotion by God..
and so they fall way short of capturing what is inside
but all i know is it's a human touch i fellt
that made me feel God.. realize his presence...

some haunting strains pursuing finding theri own paths
undulating in strange symphoniies 
deeper .. deeper.. firing everything they touch....

strange familiar reasons questions 
unasked unnecessary
encompassing friendship
cherished precious
living breathing heartfelt
reaching touching feeling
content happy ONE

one moment that i wished i could have been with you
lighting that candle in your heart
for i never saw such darkneess as this hurt and disappointment
i hurt with you....

this quiet unassuming and diplomatic extremely friendly person
with thee strength of steel strong convictions 
keen intellect and greater pride
a fiercely guarded personal reserve
quiet emotions unvoiced
seeped in history with a futuristic heart
he captures moments in words and makes this our present.. smile..

this irrepressible smile.. a spring to my step
can just a few words bring so much joy
he asked me repetitively what my heart always says
an unspoken language that needed tto be heard

look at these 'snowflakes' they are beautiful as they fall
melting away finally just like our worries
they  bring us 'down' and we looking back
we do smile at them.. as they 'melt'  away, bit by bit.. 

let us cover this distance between two hearts
and find our riches in friends
lighting  myriad wicks in eyes full of love
as we welcome God into our Being.. 

physical  descriptions mundane trivia
the mind mocks this dilemma
questioning the 'value added' in what way?
despairing of the 'recesses' never to be reached
as once again we trip blindly entangled
over demanded 'rights' as in angry impatience
we bang down doors locked negating all the protestations
of concern and caring.. 
forgetting they were the 'keys' all along.. 

a far-away soul.. unseen.. lights up your heart with the words of theri caring
in tiny moments.. making something routine sso special
and you realize there are 'heartbeats' all over the world
in an unknown melody of affectionate concern
an ever-widening ripple of binding empathy.. 

lots of lights.. stars.. smiles
fireworks.. even tiny lil chinks
streaming through..

no i don't think i have touched yet another mask
for i can feel your pain and joy in the same way still
ii loved the pleasure in your voice
the joy in your heart.. was i somewhere responsible
for that smile.. deep within you....

we just question everything too much
each joy each moment of happiness
and by the time we find the answers
it's already gone.. 

strangely poetry is seeped more in tears than laughter

sometimes hummor grants you the much needed reliief 
to accept the atrocities of life....

wish you grow without this constrcting restraint
and breathe.. free.. 
somewhere i need  to retain that precious core
that's steadily being destroyed
leaving me sick with my own Being
how do i smother these despairing cries
brokenly wondering at this re-introduction
reflecting negating wondering 'who am i'
no, i couldn't be for real
where is the life 
it's a friend who asks me this
where is my niche.. where the respite.. 

drowning in this sea of life we sometimes come up for airr
each finding an  escape bubble for himself....

shackle me anyyhow.. but my spirit soars free exultant
as grief  hovers in a dark corner sulking at this temerity
ass joy grins down at it cheerfully
mocking the very fact it even exists
soar with it.. just let go
tthe rapids.. the cascade.. 
only speaking of the exhilaraton 
the frothing foam
coming to nothin
disappearing as quick as it's angry resounding

fading realities undeniable truths
standing by your resolution
the question remains
what was lost.. what gained..

saw a celestial starburst in my dreams
those beautiiful antics in the sky
all lit up and so colorful.. awesome
a series of co-incidences just led to this moment of joy
culminating in this celebration as the whole cosmos smiled
as if the say.. welcome back..

this light reflects it's fragrance in a soft melody
echoing the glow i felt in your heart that says..

some people bring out the best in you.. 
despite yourself.. and some just the worst
and some just bring out - you
we look for that person all our lives
the one who would hold us the goood or the bad
no distincctions.. just us.. 
this acceptance is the essence of every relationship
of love.. 

each time i see the stars and sunshine i feel your smile
each time i see the mmoon myy heart goes out to you
each ttime i see birds in flight i  believe you can fly
eachh time i look inside i know it's all true...

those dreams you hold in yourr eyes 
just see them being realized one by one
in a cascade of stardust..

how do you make tears shimmer as dewdrops 
drying up by the very rays they reflect

you said i never just say yes i care
it's the oone most intrinsic fact which no words could compare
except your heart that knows without doubt
this one sacred untouched fact
we might need to say we migght need to hear
but we ddon't ever need to 'know' anymore...

today you softly stepped iinto my life
bringing with you a torrent of emotions and stormy thoughts
can i ever be the same again
not a moment has been wwithout you all this while....

unresolved emotion clogging painfully
tearing inside
as we grasp for that one breath
that won't matter if you leave
that won't matter if you stay....

hypnotic spellbound
my eyes betray the emotion welling so long now
in those quiet recesses of my heart
and this time i simply let myself flow
silent.. tentative.. hopeful

though that dew dries up
see how it reflects a kaleidoscope of sunshine
slaking each petal helping it come alive
fresh anew
blooming proudly..
irresistibly beautiful
beaded with fragile innocence
giving life
just as these flowers that bloom in spring
achingly tug at hearts....

trying to overcome our insecurities by putting down others
only enhances them....

poetry the emotion in our hearts
and joy the song on our lips
if poetry is an emotion wrapped in words
finding an echo in universal empathy
then how do we limit it to that one person
one face..
if poetry is music to our hearts 
then joy is music to our souls....

lets remain strangers to hearsay
lest hearsay makes strangers of us

should friends be a stranger to hearsay
or should hearsay make stranger of friends

empathic touches with ever - growing ripples
a lingering fragrance that never fades
words that leave a reflective smile in another heart
or cleanse the pain as not unique to just themselves
that chink of light streaming through the darkness
that makes you realize the beauty of sunshine

the silent rustle of a falling leaf crunches under feet
in lilting symphony
playing over nerve-ends in anticipation
of a wait about to end....

it's impossible to say
you cannot predict your actions
however superior you might feel 
about not reacting in a certain way
the human mind is amazing and always working
changing imperceptibly
to the things around and within
there are moments in your life
maybe rare.. maybe never
when all the pieces come together
and you do realize yourself
see yourself
a stranger maybe
but happy.... alive.....

the merchant kept swearing he'd seen raw diamonds all over the peasant's house
and the peasant kept shaking his head in sympathy at his weak sight
to rave over mere rocks....

nature cavorts playfully in your words
seeped in emotions 
through which silence explodes
alluring the soft chinks in myriad hearts
to gurgle with joy
feeling the presence of the breeze.. 

faded memories conscious though they might be
like that crescent shining up there
a smile always there
lighting up this darkness
at will or unbidden....

a mother only knows her child as the one handed to her
if she can't recognize, how do we identify our castes....

the light of the heavens streamed down
and i flew above the clouds
clouds that seemed to mock my fear, my belief
in their constancy
that floated away light as a feather
at once awesome
vying with this rose
this golden orange hue
mesmeric.. wooing compellingly
as if questioning this fixation with the clouds
at once burning soothing in fiery splendour
and my heart drenched in quiet peace
dazedly peers at the cascade of unnamed disquiet
bathed in the gold
struggling for the light within.. 

thoughts of you always bring on an involuntary smile
my heart was full my eyes brimming
as i heard the notes -
please don't take my sunshine away
dedicated imploring irrefutable
speechless i searched as if for help
and felt the smile in your heart.. 

amidst raindrops and thundering skies
amidst traffic jams and blaring horns
inane talk and merry laughter
impish teasing hearts full of sunshine
music within and without
a need to dance to music to joy
in a hushed moment
you touched my heart....

poetry has to be felt
where you enter the maze of a poet's imagination
strange vistas
which only special eyes can see 
and help you feel
empathic touches with ever growing ripples
the 'tug' is felt nearly always
by some 'soul' somewhere
and so ripples keep widening
just a beautiful thought finds an echo
in so many hearts
one who doesn't want the world to see the tears
but feel the emotion

if you have really love someone it's tough to let them go
if that love is not returned what can you hold

an elemental conspiracy 
in suppressed excitement reveals a pearl
-dazzled.. out of it's oyster..
in mingled tentative nervousness
each feels that shadowed cloud
conditioned to naturally suspect 
that soothing shade was cruelly labelled
-menacing shadow
which oyster less safe
who's fear the stronger
the hand still empty
the pearl.. confused.. 

this is what friendship is all about
warms.. bot burns
mirage or reality it remains with you
not some destination to reach....

he growls and stamps his feet
he shouts even grins
veiling the noise in poetic words
he tries to solve a mystery we face daily
through this most confounding poetry
this might jarr on his ears
-poet at heart
but if he throws back his head and laughs
that'll be the music missing in these words
dealing in numbers and figures
the numbers i tend to forget
the figures.. kinda tough now 
if i can 'figure' that one out
i'll stop being a figure-head

it was the mirage that kept him going through that 'scorching' 
deadly heat of devastation and despair
he didn't have to turn to check what he'd left behind
for he searched in vain and couldn't find
wryly shaking his head he realized
he'd taken 'something' with him too after all
that 'you' so hauntingly in question
whiff or no mocked him still
he growls and stamps his feet
he shout and even worries
veiling the noise in 'numeric' words
he tries to solve a mystery we face daily
through this most confounding 'financial' terminology
'adding value' to make 'history'....

i speak with so much heart and he brushes it off with a thank you
i speak in anger and he takes it to heart
what a mixed up world we live in
which is so full of you and me
the poor us just a forgotten memory
crucified at the expense of an ego
that only says 'i'....

if you use a crutch to walk the pace isn't right
if you love somebody you want to be by their side
if that urge is no more there you tend to fall behind
is there any loser here or just the pace isn't right

lovely breeze o lovely breeeze
so cool so soothing
playing in my hair
pushing and pulling
the only word we think of you
is almost always pleasant
you come and play and make me wish
there was someone here to share it with
you touch would be for both of us
the pleasure so shared and complete

beauty drenches a poet's heart pain wrings it
aired by words the fragrance lingers forever....

my prince in shining armour the handsome prince of my dreams
who would sweep me off my feet and ride into eternity
protecting me from the world
who would love and cherish me and want nothing else
our own private world the only home we would ever need
whom i would drive crazy with my love
and feel tears of joy in his eyes as i put him in touch with God
with my reverence and love
he just came way too late swept me off my feet too
only was too clumsy to keep my dream alive
well at least kept waking me up to face reality....

this guy i know so caring and sensitive
great sense of humour a hopeless romantic
a libra or virgo maybe little of both
honesty and strength and so much more
close to nature he enjoys the simple pleasures of life
great intensity of feeling both depth and insight
a fatal combination heart of gold and quick mind....

we strangers meet meet only to depart
and leave a memory to pain the other's heart
i'd rather it was always to warm the other's heart

what is this love it makes me want to cry
why did i say it why couldn't i deny
what gave me such pleasure to share it with you
your need to hear me say i couldn't refuse
your happiness meant so much 
that one moment i couldn't grudge
i didn't know i would get so much joy instead
it's hard to explain even though you knew
i couldn't refuse your need to hear me say
i do

such beautiful thoughts wafting over the breeze
your exultant words wrapped in joy
the pain the hurt tearing at me
achingly dripping with bitter remorse
leaves me feeling sick inside....

what a dope how does he cope
an uphill climb oh what a chore
her doubts many he explains in vain
frightening repetition oh what a pain
his convictions strong her questions many
both feelings deep still they vary
their fights are many tempers high
severe mood swings from time to time
the struggle lessens an ease embarks
their temperaments now a few stray sparks
this is not enough he wants so much more
wonder what the future may have in store
so now what happens to what purpose all this
a stillborn situation that what he feels....

these dancing lights reflected in the sea
going deeper and deeper and deeper
creating ripples of their own
shimmering sparkling 
as if running after shadowssssss
finding their truth in fantasies
making their own avalon...

whispers in the dark night reaching with their cold clammy fingers
haunting mocking deriding this semblance of sanity
this denial of feelings 
i try in vain to negate these voices this noise
how do i suppress it.. or overcome
the mirror of my self refuses to be blurred
afraid to touch it realize it's reality
i avoid the reflection
remnants of tortured confusion
needing just a look within
apparitions of disbelief shadowing that light
this duel that rages between heart and mind....

sometimes unnamed emotion in this quest to find names
sadly lose themselves in eyes full of blame

like raindrops dancing over the sea your presence teases me
as a falling rose petal rippling over the water
you silently entered my heart
now i soar with joy like the bird who knows how far it can fly
as i look at myself in the dark night
shorn of any appearances and look within
i blush with the rose i dance as the raindrops
i soar like the bird i love myself..

that spark of recognition fades into strangeness
as we hold on to memories familiar.. living.. breathing.. alive
each moment we hurt another wall erects itself
and we search for 'light' as we bury ourselves deeper and deeper....

word of anger and hurt insurmountable crash over them
mingling with the tears that refuse to be dammed
and helpless they watch the manic fury
destroying everything despite themselves
drowning even those heartbeats so preciously held
where just one escapes in this sheer bubble of love
and in awe they see the storm abate.....

i wish you can feel this my gift to you
cleansing all the pain
as you bask in this just one glow
that says.. you are loved very much

we keep searching for life's meaning 
does it lie hidden in some scientific research yet to be made
or is the answer simple enough to be held in a grain of sand
that goes unnoticed
that lacks import.. 
until.. until those grains coalesce to form deserts
through which we search and research
for that grain.. for us
who holds the answers the cosmos or us
looking at the bigger picture
where have we lost ourselves
dementedly painting 
on and on and on and on

when you hold a hand that feels your own
don't let go or hurry  by
there are some moments that need to be felt understood
'cause it is a rare bond that makes you feel this way

sometimes i feel the need to cry 
and there you laugh gently chiding
for ever thinking you are not there.. 
sometimes i open my fists 
and the breeze laughs
at this semblance of letting go
sometimes i feel the futility
and the moon a dark orb
glows with pure sunshine
sometimes you write beautifully
and the words go berserk in this whim to capture
that dew of emotion quivering in your dawning smile
sometimes my heart aches 
unable to grasp this pure emotion
sometimes i search for that private space
and find you inside
sometimes i read my words 
and see your reflection there
sometimes i wonder at us and feel
the sunshine shimmering with love
sometimes the silences soar on unspoken wings
daning in pure celebration
sometimes, no every moment
i bas in HIS love
for i realize HE blessed me with you....

is it so difficult to let go of that anger that holds so
this disquiet that brings in a strangeness more hurtful than any blow could be
it's fog thicker than any nature could bring in
what is it that pulls away wrenching overcoming
the involuntary protesting cry....

a few words and the deep silence seeped in despair
weaves with unwavering love in a healing touch
that dances on the flute of eternity
in celebration of the stars held in eyes 
that dazzle his own heart with the gold within
and he shares the God inside
shedding the masks
lost in the sunshine of his own being
his soul soars in boundless joy on wings of belief
a smile gurgling like chimes
in presence of the breeze unseen.. unwavering..

the sound of the train echoing whispered words
breathed softly
that tender loving care seeping through
drugged with sleep.. and emotion.. 

the light of the heavens streamed down
and i flew above the clouds
clouds that seemed to mock my fear, my belief
in their constancy
that floated away light as a feather
at once awesome
vying with this rose.. this golden orange hue
mesmeric wooing compellingly
as if questioning this fixation with the clouds
at once burning soothing
in fiery splendour
and my heart.. drenched in this golden peace
tried desperately to fight the disquiet within....

it wasn't the censure in strange eyes that seared my soul
it was a fleeting glimpse in someone my own....

our parents miss us as we move away
dissatisfied.. discontented
they give us everything all of themselves
just as God does
and we slowly erode.. destroy everything
even ourselves..
leaving a legacy of tears behind
as we fight over land
as we exhaust our resources
as we truculently speak of rights
and sadly miss our legacies altogether
in these loud protestations of 'birthrights'
we negate altogether the 'creators' behind....

an angel touched me and filled every corner of despair
he thanks me with such feeling this blessing i feel all the time

distant sounds heard on the breeze
melodious notes like a refrain
an echo i hear all the time
your softly whispered words
unuttered hung in the air
what could i see
what could i hear

these dancing lights reflected in the sea
going deeper and deeper and deeper
creating rippled of their own
shimmering sparkling
as if running after shadows
finding their truth in fantasies
making their own avalon
and forever leave their glow
momentary ongoing eternal....

love undefined as footprints in sand
taunts playfully swirling fading spreading
hate overflows as molten lava
etched frozen still....

pain is there in all of us.. why do we focus on it more than the joys
something we look for all our lives
happiness! we never celebrate it with the abandon we searched
it's our release - uplifting yet we don't hold on
and the sorrows we don't need we make such a big deal of
like shackles holding us back still we can't let go
the chinks of light shining through the holes
how beautiful they look
you only see the light.. not the holes anymore
if it weren't for them how would you have realized
felt that beauty-
we try to close these holes and forever shut out the light....

just one wish.. and the echo dances on strings of eternity
nature cavorts playfully in your words seeped in emotions
through which silence speaks
alluring the soft chimes in myriad hearts
to gurgle with joy
feeling the presence of the breeze....

wistful moments captured in a heart full of cherished memories
that vacuum that darkness choked me so.. in that one momentary glimpse
within your smile
pure love bathes me in God's smile
then how can your dreams go unrealized
years of remorse drenched in pain beg to be freed
to cleanse this ache sheathed in an armour
shutting everyone out you continue to flog yourself
for past mistakes 
vacant eyes devoid of hope question in surprise that unthinking smile

those whispered words said with such feeling
he thanks me this blessing who with just his presence
made me feel so complete
i can feel the echo as i hear the emotion in his voice
despite years of conditioning and trodden path
cajoled tormented by the admonishments of a confused psyche
need soared to ceer from the trodden path....

does the shared laughter in an unbidden smile.. 
ever play on your lips
does that touch in a despairing moment
caring soothing take you unawares
does that warmth well in your eyes
betraying something unrealized....

what moment did i lose which cloud passed by
in that missed beat.. who entered inside
soft as petals do the first rays of the sun bathe you in their glow
as these changing colors of the leaves paint the 
softly rustling sound of missing
bathed in this golden glow of changing colors and seasons
this shimmering light vies with my eyes
cherished dreams turning to dust
these shifting sands form a temple yet again
as my heart waits for you....

the blue of the sky vying with the dusky pink
and the greenish grey sea
what mesmeric shades 
cleansing after the rain
as we see the rainbow in each other's smile....

the dark clouds parted just a little for this divine light streaming through
just as you called echoing my thoughts - have i ever told you
your voice nostalgically embracing the sights and sounds
how many 'dawns' did you greet for i felt one in my heart too
amidst the sound of your silent breath 
playing with the joyous chirping of the birds
a melody i could hear forever
pure music making each sense dance in abandoned welcome
to a fresh Dawn....

house of cards - 
how desperately insecure the soul that goes to so much trouble to put down another
how blind the heart willing to accept a strange glimpse negating everything held dear
how futile the relation that places it's trust in such weak hands....

exquisite moonshine defiantly fighting the clouds 
stardust an unending carpet of myriad hopes
sunshine warming everyone it touches
the freshness of dew so pure
the shade these trees provide
the constant struggle of the waves
this breeze all around me
the smile of a new born
the trusting hold of a toddler
the spontaneous hug of a child
raindrops soaking drenching
the sky with it's deep blue
the rainbow in all it's shades.. missing you
the autumn leaves whispering your pain
all mock this effort to contain
trying to name how i feel about you.. 

this need tearing haunting
what do i say to him
his plea for help
as helpless i stand
unable to appease
the disquiet within
the silent tears
his helpless love
a tired soul....

numb with hurt.. real or imaginary
we send one another to the farthest recesses of our minds
leaving a choked breath.. an empty heart buries forever
we curse for the pain inflicted
eyes overflowing disillusioned
and one day we realize
they are there no more
and this time we grieve.. for what....

as we cover the space between two hearts is the time we truly feel God
maybe because that is where he resides
in this festive season let us take this step
and welcome divinity not only in our houses but our hearts too
and see myriad lights of joy all around

with shaking hands a trembling within
i just sit here lost in his smile
these eyes sincere mesmeric look at me
moving something deep inside
his eyes speak more than his words ever could
his smile simply takes my breath away
lost spellbound i sit here
trying to unravel the mystery
of this impish angel
with eyes dancing with merriment
as if holding a deep secret....

each time you say it so differently 
each time it sounds so new
each time you make me feel so good
each time i feel it's  not just words you say
you give so much to me so selflessly willingly
and each time i feel the tears
shaken by such pure feeling
those painful words wrenched out of you
achingly shared
as you felt yourself open.. raw
what could i say except embrace and fill
with the deep affection within....

today i look up with tears in my eyes as i realize
with deep conviction
i need to touch the people i love 
and let them know NOW
how much they mean to me
for tomorrow we could just be 
a memory....

Tuesday, April 8, 2014


i walk inside my heart and see your reflection
and i look for you
and i look for you
kindred souls..
slivers of recognition
beguiling into myriad turns
and i lose my way
what is the destination
what is the journey
fleeting fragrance of daffodils
make me smile
and contented i falter
in this moment
in my walk.....

the outside again

such a momentous occasion
the happiness in his heart.. so deeply touched
i could never make up for this moment
as i saw it all playing on his face
those clear eyes - honest - candid
reflecting the joy.. the depth of feeling
hurt questions asked over the years
crumbling melting in broken understanding
hopeful excited as he found himself again
suffused with this haloed bubble of joy
i smile through each moment
lost.. fascinated .. by all those shades
of flitting emotions racing across this face
endearingly familiar.. so close to my heart
my eyes just brimming with pure affection
now as i sit here
i can feel the tears of his pain
his vulnerability
so closely felt.. and touched
finally struggling out of this spell
and letting me feel.. the outside again.. 

every moment

sometimes i wonder if we remain
on the fringes of an emotion
or get in so deep.. so deep
that any line any distinction simply vanishes
in this sea of pure feeling
and in euphoric exultation the waves try to reach
higher and higher and fall yet again
in this quest to understand
thundering tranquil alive moments
seeking their answers to questions yet unasked
emotions unplumbed unexplored new yet
just fringes of a self that needs to be touched
and hands guiding in this search
unknown step in.. as hesitant.. unsure
we surrender in awe of this unfolding
these windows that we can see
but others hold the key
gently helping us walk
this maze of our self.. and we see the magic
and we feel the mystery.. and we move towards meanings
held in this lifetime.. slowly flowering within us
and we look in these eyes.. mixed emotions
every moment an introduction
every moment a goodbye.. 

contain label or possess

bonds finding an easy echo into relations simply formed
then why do eyes searching still delve relentlessly
for something tangible
what goes unacknowledged
what needs a name
one that is so natural
one that was always there
running after familiar shadows
these strange realities dim
into vague shapes.. to fit our truths
and we smile.. and we hug.. this vision
clear.. illusive.. concrete emotion
in a concrete world
dismissing this bond of 'humanity'
that flowers so naturally in our hearts
it's fragrance not exotic enough
wildflowers that none nurtured
and yet the feeling spreads
with a riot of smiles.. in this natural pull of joy
spontaneous fresh rejoicing.. playing havoc with our heartstrings
igniting every pore.. till our need to contain, label and possess.. 

if only

those eyes .. eyes that spoke to me of a protest
hidden so long now.. involuntary.. earnest.. teasing

eyes that yearned to feel that dampness
slaking a thirst so long parched
for that one drop of relieved emotion
cleansing.. joyous.. free

those eyes holding myriad questions
tortured memories frozen in a choked breath
wrenching.. aching.. unappeased
follow me everywhere

moments that hold a lifetime's need
life that had rushed on for so long now
in a maelstrom of duties - fitting masks and
outward smiles.. the only requirements
in a superficial world

only the eyes.. eyes that painfully evaded
their own reflection
eyes that still breathed with truth
and dreams and emotion

eyes that looked at me
that looked at me and

left me gasping.. as i felt a soul so pure
a need so simple.. a hurt so devastating

eyes i hope could find only love there

no, i couldn't look away.. yes those eyes
follow me everywhere

yes they are your eyes
yes you can feel them too.. if only

if only we wouldn't avoid the eyes
if only we wouldn't question the look
if only we could say 'we understand'
and 'we care..'....

if only....