imaginary lines

We shut ourselves in narrow walls, beliefs imaginary lines and just inhibit our growth what to question, whom to wrong you love your dog you love the sunsets and sunrise the stars, the rainbow even that lizard on the wall maybe but when it comes to humans we question the feeling the possibility, the reason the right and wrong misunderstood, relationship-bound tortured over, closing our hearts we bemoan the loneliness what sad beings we are love thy neighbour we say limiting to next door believing it's said 'cause they test your patience to the limits.. anything you love, anyone at all be it rose, rainbow or rain man, woman or child feel the joy within you touching the skies and flying high finding that elusive God we all look for didn't we feel him unknowingly maybe but could you compare that warm hug your child gave you carefree and full of love spontaneous, ready and trusting whom did you feel.. how do we soar, how do we find..... we never reach out, never touch illusions, elusive always leave us wanting, incomplete.. a farmer planted pumpkins on his land for no reason he put one in a glass jar which only grew as big as it’s size we have the freedom are born with it but these glass jars we each does it to ourselves and with limited sight, space, thinking go out to find ourselves and God.. happiness just round the bend forget to even look within our hearts……. Shackles- ever-tightening, narrowing, choking Yet we blame life-never ourselves And continue to exist-Caged Never checking the doors Self-conditioned Not even to try….

potpourri

ashes or embers

etched in memory

the sparks of which

might haunt still

slivers of glimmering pain

shedding bit by bit

fossilized or swept away

yes you overcome me

with a fresh smile

holding me forever

under this spell of -

a miracle happening....

can you see my eyes brimming with concern

my smile holding such affection and warmth

can you feel my heart reaching out to you

willing you to heal

can you feel my words express all that i feel

do they touch you as coming from the core of my Being

yawning distances.. hot burning sand

what is it that becknons

oasis or desert storm

as mesmerized i perceive

footprints in the sand

deep blue skies shouting for joy pouring with abandon

welcomed with glee

the sun and the clouds vying with each other

as do your thoughts amidst such serene beauty

an odd mixture of sadness and joy

a blessing of nature and mixed pleasure

only the sharing in our hearts so complete....

your healing words and touch have made me feel whole again

all the wounds all the scars any shades of hurt or despair

were they ever there

any darkness within

who brought in the light made me see finally....

this silent night so full of life

each sound uniquely filling up my senses

deafening yet unheard finding haven in nature

mirroring my thoughts silent yet relentless

every pebble each leaf the starlit sky

their veiled guide giving them peace

while i look on with wonder in my eyes

why my thoughts nothing can appease....

distant sounds heard over the breeze

melodious moments pulsing together

in thoughts hushed, echoing

whispered words unuttered hung in the air

what couldn't be heard

what couldn't be seen....

does your heart ever miss a beat

lurching as if someone came knocking again

do your ears ever hear the missing

your thoughts left unuttered

do you ever look at the moon

myriad stars dancing in your eyes

do your eyes ever prick with a pain

ineffectually trying to be cleansed....

one is dying of cancer another of cold

you can't gauge misery, to each it's untold

each dawn i greeted the sun with a wave and hopeful smile anew

each time i look at the moon involuntarily i say 'i love you'

each star in the sky fills my heart with hope and conviction of dreams realized

each cloud seems to glow with defiance and belief pride and joy, faith inside

like the special smiles and wayward tears that none could bring but you

yes, i can't help thanking someone up there for helping your dreams come true....

each thought brings the message of spring

these joyflowers to bloom still look around for him

i carry and cherish both and yet it feels empty

and yet out of reach

what reality is it i need

how would you know of that gentle look

that firm hold

that ease in just one presence

fleeting touches like his words

soft ripples as a rose petal falling on water leaves

long after it's no more....

i felt a soul so pure and beautiful

then i looked into those eyes

clear, deep, that touched 

now when i look at the world

this is how i see....

each time i look at the moon i fall in love once again

is this your smile shining through it's reflected glow in my eyes

as i stand here bathed in Avalon....

sometimes i wish i could hug the moon

why does pure beauty always leave an ache

something that lives inside yet out of reach....

why does this recognition resonates in an echo within

striking chords of a missing in a Being so complete....

everything looks the same the missing now a recurring message

riding on the waves

do you see the rainbow do you realize the colors were all there

those clouds you moved aside

so are the shadows and so is the light

yes there is a horizon there is a smile

emotion pure emotion and nothing else

feel the hush the silent message

echoing in this natural paradise

soaring hearts on wings of love 

making Avalon real for us....

those dangerous webs around chilling ever-hurting

turn to cobwebs after all, that just leave you feeling dirty....

from the mist of expectations i see the moisture seeping through

a cauldron of molten hurt in eyes burning singed by strangeness

no matter how hard i blink to mirror that reflection

a blessing is all that brims from a lifetime of memories....

dreamscapes.. these 'vision' we escape into

myriad words, our own, beautiful, utopian

in vain we try to fit in reality and fall way short

cursing and ruing life.. for our own dreamscapes.. 

today i hear the cosmos in a deafening 

cascade of wishes.. blessing you!

how much time do we have on our heands

are we so sure of the next breath

do we have time to live ourselves

yet we make others miserable

just one life and so many moments

each individual's natural right to live theri way

how is it going to matter in the afterlife

if there's one

if your couldn't sit or walk the right way

shouldn't we quit pointing fingers

allow each person to breathe

actually take in fresh air and rejoice....

i can feel your hurt like teardrops of pain in my heart

feel the smile like a touch of joy

feel every emotion with no less intensity

is this a soulmate or insight....

swinging between virtual and real and their role reversal

we search for the drop that would slake our thirst

that missing piece that has puzzled us for years

which we shrugged off and discarded too

but that empty slot left it's gaping imprint

speaking it's own language

finding it's own answers

taking us unawares....

sometimes what we hate colors our own action

simply because it preys so strongly on our minds

after crossing a bed of roses you realizy

what you trampled underneath

those moments of euphoric ecstasy

fading in the face of guilt and remorse

what a choice we make for ourselves

a legacy of regrets for something so beautiful once....

a tiny lonely temple in deep wild forest

at the foot of a hill.. that's me....

in that wistful look he held a vision

pensive hope warring with innumerable doubts

raced across decades shadowing everything

except that little chink that spoke of life.. of joy..

that release from choked constriction 

the freedom to feel Alive

and he found it.. and he breathed again

embracing all.. heart drunk in wonder

he shouted out loud

yes, life is beautiful

yes, i'm a miracle happening

yes, i've found the song of my soul

...... the God inside......

i hold the mysteries of life waiting for these miracles

to happen impatiently.. all at once.. 

yet these walls.. inhibiting.. keep forming

i break them down.. i see a light.. a ray too

yet those doubts pushing me back

make me believe they protect me

and i curse my doubts in those walls

and yet that ray haunts me still....

who stepped in, in that one missed beat and made a  home forever

each breath entwined around this presence that took me unawares....

the clouds frowned darkly blocking the sun

the sky paling at this temerity

the sea grey with despair

in wonder i saw them glow themselves

suffused with the irrepressible laughing rays of sunshine....

all else faded save for that voice that moment that settled in my heart

beating to just one tune residing resounding your love

bursting some dam of mingled joy 

for i felt God in you.. can i ever be the same again....

bathed with the shower of autumn leaves

as if a welcome carpet spread by trees

a hush breathes in anticipaiton 

for even nature can't wait to hear

the sound of your silent tread

warring between hope and despair and this empty bench

i can feel the words breathing in me

skipping in that laboured breath

a language the silences speak untamed.. unsaid.. 

suspended in the cosmos a semblance of 'ground'

wanting to reach the skies.. it's where we are all along

truth and reality i wonder at it

we want to reach the moon that revolves around us

dreams of flying to where?

another galaxy maybe.. mirage.. all a mirage..

moving on is a part of life

is it so essential to trample all over everything beautiful

simply because of that

what of the fragrance left lingering somewhere inescapably

in moments taking you unawares....

in this sheer welling of emotion

my heart just went out to you

hugging this moment that breathes in me still

powerless in the face of such affection

unable to contain the joy of you

making my dream come true....

in this woven tapestry of life

it's hard to tell some things apart

with myriad colors filled in moments

captured in each stitch of time

giving pleasure in glimpses of pure beauty

amidst whispers of fond memories....

lost in the mists of time somewhere there was an us

why this love becomes a misty impression lost in the folds of time

deemed 'history'....

shimmering light foaming undulating peace mesmeric haunting

the sun yet to shine in a message of dawn

do i see a smile filtering through

lilting notes over the breeze 

in thoughts whispering the sound of your silent tread

racing heartbeats singing a crescendo of a missing about to end

as with tentative ecstasy and bated breath

i feel the hush as the silences speak yet again....

sometimes i wish i was an artist who could capture these changing colors for eternity

sometimes i wish i could read these emotions playing across your face furiously

sometimes i wish i could rest these fears plaguing haunting you without respite

sometimes yes sometimes i wish you could  bask in my smile and i could hold

your terrors inside....

an unexpressed warmth running riot in words that touch hearts

in glimpses of beauty veiled behind appropriate masks

accepted half-truths a living facade

breathing life into pages supposedly inanimate....

some questions unfformed in a choked up protest flit about  tormentingly

like wisps of clouds waywarrd directiionless

giving tantalizing glimpses of the sky, of sunshine

what is this elusive torture why the confusion

in a manic need to find answers

showers forth in words that need to  drench....

you hold some truth within you that compels me to speak.. to know

to undderstand myself.. and rise above and beyond

forming.. disinntegrating.. merging.. into that  'light' held within

deep within this dark hole 

and you hold my hand and gently lead unknowing who was there for whom

onlly a pull .. begging to be recognized

and a craving.. a hunger.. to satiate a soul

to fit that missing piece

in this long journey in this endless search

that begs fulfillment

this soul intoxication.. a losing of self

and this complete discovery of ourselves

and then learning about life.. like a new born child

this is love

but we experience it like adults

with all our 'beliefs' and 'prejudices' and 'walls' and 'self'

and end up full of bitterness

never really a complete surrender

never really giving it a chance

almost scared to live.. almost scared to hurt

always conscious of this 'self'

which should have been one complete whole....

dreamscapes.. these visions that unfoldd

strange images mirror tantalizing recognition

that elusive spin out of reach

even as you let me fade away.. a smile

would still remain

just for you

guiding.. constant

like that crescent up there....

you made me cry 

in rare moments one comes across a soul that really cares

and everything falls into place

hope faith life joy

i can only imagine  the care woven so deeply

the affection emanating from the gesture itself

one that makes me feel so small

one that leaves me speechless..

at this rare glimpse into such pure caaring

one thatt touches me so deep

in this welling of emotion uncontained

thank you.. for you.. 

for making this day so special

with you presence.. you gift.. 

for realizing something in my life..

my truth.. in  a friend.. in you....

roughly pushed on stage he feels the glaring lights focused on him

faceless.. nameless.. countless eyes judging .. criticizing.. 

wait as if in impatient glee

as he anxious tries to 'fit in'

and despairing feels all they see is a farce

and all he feels is a fake

a stage.. an act.. and yet who pulls the strings..

i don't know what troubles you

can't even begine to gauge it

all i know is ii can feel it

like an aching wrench each time

and it hurts

hurts to see the emptiness

the despair.. the futility

no you could never give up

just for a moment see yourself through my eyes

perceiving clearly this indomitable will

that i see all the time

aand know without any doubt -

with that 'bullheaded' defiantly stubborn streak

you will always be alright

no you don't need me by your side

just only  for a moment see yourself through my eyes....

just us.. and moments held in dewdrops of sunshine

that smile with each dawn helplessly

you see and don't.. your miss and hold

yes i've felt the sheer joyflowers that made it so hard to speak

as this cup ran over with pure fragrance

that settles softly deep within

just.. bless you.. i know this isn't easy

i'm just so glad you're on your way to finding yourself ffinally

as each holds the silence into eternity

they hear the undeniable whisper of the other's heartbeat

throbbing in open defiance of this semblance

of a presence no more there

mocking this cauldron brewing in thoughts

flooded with chaotic mayhem

searching for peace in this outward hush

the storm rages on....

through the deafening silence

struggling in these dark waters

i did feel a hand.. i did see a light

what sound reverberates

and touches me again and again

driving me crazy with this semblance  

of a presence chimeric

a tortured intruder

amidst fleeting glimpses of beauty

with sinking heart i realize 

unthinking i'd jumped in the deep end.. 

so many empty 'pockets'.. blurred images

the anger the hurt just makes me wonder even more

if you have a life.. if you carry on.. then why

why the accusations.. why the feeling of betrayal

sometimes i wonder if there is friendship

thhen why these games

i'm sorry

just sometimes.. i wonder.. why we go on.. together still

and the question remains unanswered.. 

as a choked breath never to be released

will these empty pockets ever be filled

will we ever truly be free....

some familiar souls as if from previous lives

tug at our heartstrings

wooing enticing into webs unsatiated

-a lesson left incomplete

and unaware we step in once again

in awe of the rapport, the pull

deceived by the inner voices

that are unable to recognize the spell-binding allure

of courting danger

coming alive.. sick to the core

choked with tearss.. anger rising to the fore

can anything ever be simple or any of it understood

some ppull.. some rejection.. denial and acceptance

incomplete

this yawning void comes together in which puzzle

the pieces scattering about in a tantalizing cycle

as if to say.. gently chiding.. did i hear.. - a lifetime....

wish i could write like the sunlight softly reflecting off the moon

the changing colors at sunset  time

as if the sky has caught fire

merging burning singeing

as the sea desperately tries to mmellow it's wrath

soothing softening calming

wish i could capture this mellow dusky light in my eyes

playing havoc with my senses

tormenting creating a torrent of words

i almost reachedd out to touch and feel their expression

in your heart....

someone oncee told me words are formed by man

emotion by God..

and so they fall way short of capturing what is inside

but all i know is it's a human touch i fellt

that made me feel God.. realize his presence...

some haunting strains pursuing finding theri own paths

undulating in strange symphoniies 

deeper .. deeper.. firing everything they touch....

strange familiar reasons questions 

unasked unnecessary

acceptance

encompassing friendship

cherished precious

living breathing heartfelt

reaching touching feeling

content happy ONE

one moment that i wished i could have been with you

lighting that candle in your heart

for i never saw such darkneess as this hurt and disappointment

i hurt with you....

this quiet unassuming and diplomatic extremely friendly person

with thee strength of steel strong convictions 

keen intellect and greater pride

a fiercely guarded personal reserve

quiet emotions unvoiced

seeped in history with a futuristic heart

he captures moments in words and makes this our present.. smile..

this irrepressible smile.. a spring to my step

can just a few words bring so much joy

he asked me repetitively what my heart always says

an unspoken language that needed tto be heard

look at these 'snowflakes' they are beautiful as they fall

melting away finally just like our worries

they  bring us 'down' and we looking back

we do smile at them.. as they 'melt'  away, bit by bit.. 

let us cover this distance between two hearts

and find our riches in friends

lighting  myriad wicks in eyes full of love

as we welcome God into our Being.. 

physical  descriptions mundane trivia

the mind mocks this dilemma

questioning the 'value added' in what way?

despairing of the 'recesses' never to be reached

as once again we trip blindly entangled

over demanded 'rights' as in angry impatience

we bang down doors locked negating all the protestations

of concern and caring.. 

forgetting they were the 'keys' all along.. 

a far-away soul.. unseen.. lights up your heart with the words of theri caring

in tiny moments.. making something routine sso special

and you realize there are 'heartbeats' all over the world

in an unknown melody of affectionate concern

an ever-widening ripple of binding empathy.. 

lots of lights.. stars.. smiles

fireworks.. even tiny lil chinks

streaming through..

no i don't think i have touched yet another mask

for i can feel your pain and joy in the same way still

ii loved the pleasure in your voice

the joy in your heart.. was i somewhere responsible

for that smile.. deep within you....

we just question everything too much

each joy each moment of happiness

and by the time we find the answers

it's already gone.. 

strangely poetry is seeped more in tears than laughter

sometimes hummor grants you the much needed reliief 

to accept the atrocities of life....

wish you grow without this constrcting restraint

and breathe.. free.. 

somewhere i need  to retain that precious core

that's steadily being destroyed

leaving me sick with my own Being

how do i smother these despairing cries

brokenly wondering at this re-introduction

reflecting negating wondering 'who am i'

no, i couldn't be for real

where is the life 

it's a friend who asks me this

where is my niche.. where the respite.. 

drowning in this sea of life we sometimes come up for airr

each finding an  escape bubble for himself....

shackle me anyyhow.. but my spirit soars free exultant

as grief  hovers in a dark corner sulking at this temerity

ass joy grins down at it cheerfully

mocking the very fact it even exists

soar with it.. just let go

tthe rapids.. the cascade.. 

only speaking of the exhilaraton 

the frothing foam

coming to nothin

disappearing as quick as it's angry resounding

fading realities undeniable truths

standing by your resolution

the question remains

what was lost.. what gained..

saw a celestial starburst in my dreams

those beautiiful antics in the sky

all lit up and so colorful.. awesome

a series of co-incidences just led to this moment of joy

culminating in this celebration as the whole cosmos smiled

as if the say.. welcome back..

this light reflects it's fragrance in a soft melody

echoing the glow i felt in your heart that says..

some people bring out the best in you.. 

despite yourself.. and some just the worst

and some just bring out - you

we look for that person all our lives

the one who would hold us the goood or the bad

no distincctions.. just us.. 

this acceptance is the essence of every relationship

of love.. 

each time i see the stars and sunshine i feel your smile

each time i see the mmoon myy heart goes out to you

each ttime i see birds in flight i  believe you can fly

eachh time i look inside i know it's all true...

those dreams you hold in yourr eyes 

just see them being realized one by one

in a cascade of stardust..

how do you make tears shimmer as dewdrops 

drying up by the very rays they reflect

you said i never just say yes i care

it's the oone most intrinsic fact which no words could compare

except your heart that knows without doubt

this one sacred untouched fact

we might need to say we migght need to hear

but we ddon't ever need to 'know' anymore...

today you softly stepped iinto my life

bringing with you a torrent of emotions and stormy thoughts

can i ever be the same again

not a moment has been wwithout you all this while....

unresolved emotion clogging painfully

tearing inside

as we grasp for that one breath

that won't matter if you leave

that won't matter if you stay....

hypnotic spellbound

my eyes betray the emotion welling so long now

in those quiet recesses of my heart

and this time i simply let myself flow

silent.. tentative.. hopeful

though that dew dries up

see how it reflects a kaleidoscope of sunshine

slaking each petal helping it come alive

fresh anew

blooming proudly..

irresistibly beautiful

beaded with fragile innocence

giving life

just as these flowers that bloom in spring

achingly tug at hearts....

trying to overcome our insecurities by putting down others

only enhances them....

poetry the emotion in our hearts

and joy the song on our lips

if poetry is an emotion wrapped in words

finding an echo in universal empathy

then how do we limit it to that one person

one face..

if poetry is music to our hearts 

then joy is music to our souls....

lets remain strangers to hearsay

lest hearsay makes strangers of us

should friends be a stranger to hearsay

or should hearsay make stranger of friends

empathic touches with ever - growing ripples

a lingering fragrance that never fades

words that leave a reflective smile in another heart

or cleanse the pain as not unique to just themselves

that chink of light streaming through the darkness

that makes you realize the beauty of sunshine

the silent rustle of a falling leaf crunches under feet

in lilting symphony

playing over nerve-ends in anticipation

of a wait about to end....

it's impossible to say

you cannot predict your actions

however superior you might feel 

about not reacting in a certain way

the human mind is amazing and always working

changing imperceptibly

to the things around and within

there are moments in your life

maybe rare.. maybe never

when all the pieces come together

and you do realize yourself

see yourself

a stranger maybe

but happy.... alive.....

the merchant kept swearing he'd seen raw diamonds all over the peasant's house

and the peasant kept shaking his head in sympathy at his weak sight

to rave over mere rocks....

nature cavorts playfully in your words

seeped in emotions 

through which silence explodes

alluring the soft chinks in myriad hearts

to gurgle with joy

feeling the presence of the breeze.. 

faded memories conscious though they might be

like that crescent shining up there

a smile always there

lighting up this darkness

at will or unbidden....

a mother only knows her child as the one handed to her

if she can't recognize, how do we identify our castes....

the light of the heavens streamed down

and i flew above the clouds

clouds that seemed to mock my fear, my belief

in their constancy

that floated away light as a feather

at once awesome

vying with this rose

this golden orange hue

mesmeric.. wooing compellingly

as if questioning this fixation with the clouds

at once burning soothing in fiery splendour

and my heart drenched in quiet peace

dazedly peers at the cascade of unnamed disquiet

bathed in the gold

struggling for the light within.. 

thoughts of you always bring on an involuntary smile

my heart was full my eyes brimming

as i heard the notes -

please don't take my sunshine away

dedicated imploring irrefutable

speechless i searched as if for help

and felt the smile in your heart.. 

amidst raindrops and thundering skies

amidst traffic jams and blaring horns

inane talk and merry laughter

impish teasing hearts full of sunshine

music within and without

a need to dance to music to joy

in a hushed moment

you touched my heart....

poetry has to be felt

where you enter the maze of a poet's imagination

strange vistas

which only special eyes can see 

and help you feel

empathic touches with ever growing ripples

the 'tug' is felt nearly always

by some 'soul' somewhere

and so ripples keep widening

just a beautiful thought finds an echo

in so many hearts

one who doesn't want the world to see the tears

but feel the emotion

if you have really love someone it's tough to let them go

if that love is not returned what can you hold

an elemental conspiracy 

in suppressed excitement reveals a pearl

-dazzled.. out of it's oyster..

in mingled tentative nervousness

each feels that shadowed cloud

conditioned to naturally suspect 

that soothing shade was cruelly labelled

-menacing shadow

which oyster less safe

who's fear the stronger

the hand still empty

the pearl.. confused.. 

unsure....

this is what friendship is all about

warms.. bot burns

mirage or reality it remains with you

not some destination to reach....

he growls and stamps his feet

he shouts even grins

veiling the noise in poetic words

he tries to solve a mystery we face daily

through this most confounding poetry

this might jarr on his ears

-poet at heart

but if he throws back his head and laughs

that'll be the music missing in these words

dealing in numbers and figures

the numbers i tend to forget

the figures.. kinda tough now 

if i can 'figure' that one out

i'll stop being a figure-head

it was the mirage that kept him going through that 'scorching' 

deadly heat of devastation and despair

he didn't have to turn to check what he'd left behind

for he searched in vain and couldn't find

wryly shaking his head he realized

he'd taken 'something' with him too after all

that 'you' so hauntingly in question

whiff or no mocked him still

he growls and stamps his feet

he shout and even worries

veiling the noise in 'numeric' words

he tries to solve a mystery we face daily

through this most confounding 'financial' terminology

'adding value' to make 'history'....

i speak with so much heart and he brushes it off with a thank you

i speak in anger and he takes it to heart

what a mixed up world we live in

which is so full of you and me

the poor us just a forgotten memory

crucified at the expense of an ego

that only says 'i'....

if you use a crutch to walk the pace isn't right

if you love somebody you want to be by their side

if that urge is no more there you tend to fall behind

is there any loser here or just the pace isn't right

lovely breeze o lovely breeeze

so cool so soothing

playing in my hair

pushing and pulling

the only word we think of you

is almost always pleasant

you come and play and make me wish

there was someone here to share it with

you touch would be for both of us

the pleasure so shared and complete

beauty drenches a poet's heart pain wrings it

aired by words the fragrance lingers forever....

my prince in shining armour the handsome prince of my dreams

who would sweep me off my feet and ride into eternity

protecting me from the world

who would love and cherish me and want nothing else

our own private world the only home we would ever need

whom i would drive crazy with my love

and feel tears of joy in his eyes as i put him in touch with God

with my reverence and love

he just came way too late swept me off my feet too

only was too clumsy to keep my dream alive

well at least kept waking me up to face reality....

this guy i know so caring and sensitive

great sense of humour a hopeless romantic

a libra or virgo maybe little of both

honesty and strength and so much more

close to nature he enjoys the simple pleasures of life

great intensity of feeling both depth and insight

a fatal combination heart of gold and quick mind....

we strangers meet meet only to depart

and leave a memory to pain the other's heart

i'd rather it was always to warm the other's heart

what is this love it makes me want to cry

why did i say it why couldn't i deny

what gave me such pleasure to share it with you

your need to hear me say i couldn't refuse

your happiness meant so much 

that one moment i couldn't grudge

i didn't know i would get so much joy instead

it's hard to explain even though you knew

i couldn't refuse your need to hear me say

i do

such beautiful thoughts wafting over the breeze

your exultant words wrapped in joy

the pain the hurt tearing at me

achingly dripping with bitter remorse

leaves me feeling sick inside....

what a dope how does he cope

an uphill climb oh what a chore

her doubts many he explains in vain

frightening repetition oh what a pain

his convictions strong her questions many

both feelings deep still they vary

their fights are many tempers high

severe mood swings from time to time

the struggle lessens an ease embarks

their temperaments now a few stray sparks

this is not enough he wants so much more

wonder what the future may have in store

so now what happens to what purpose all this

a stillborn situation that what he feels....

these dancing lights reflected in the sea

going deeper and deeper and deeper

creating ripples of their own

shimmering sparkling 

as if running after shadowssssss

finding their truth in fantasies

making their own avalon...

whispers in the dark night reaching with their cold clammy fingers

haunting mocking deriding this semblance of sanity

this denial of feelings 

i try in vain to negate these voices this noise

how do i suppress it.. or overcome

the mirror of my self refuses to be blurred

afraid to touch it realize it's reality

i avoid the reflection

remnants of tortured confusion

needing just a look within

apparitions of disbelief shadowing that light

this duel that rages between heart and mind....

sometimes unnamed emotion in this quest to find names

sadly lose themselves in eyes full of blame

like raindrops dancing over the sea your presence teases me

as a falling rose petal rippling over the water

you silently entered my heart

now i soar with joy like the bird who knows how far it can fly

as i look at myself in the dark night

shorn of any appearances and look within

i blush with the rose i dance as the raindrops

i soar like the bird i love myself..

that spark of recognition fades into strangeness

as we hold on to memories familiar.. living.. breathing.. alive

each moment we hurt another wall erects itself

and we search for 'light' as we bury ourselves deeper and deeper....

word of anger and hurt insurmountable crash over them

mingling with the tears that refuse to be dammed

and helpless they watch the manic fury

destroying everything despite themselves

drowning even those heartbeats so preciously held

where just one escapes in this sheer bubble of love

and in awe they see the storm abate.....

i wish you can feel this my gift to you

cleansing all the pain

as you bask in this just one glow

that says.. you are loved very much

we keep searching for life's meaning 

does it lie hidden in some scientific research yet to be made

or is the answer simple enough to be held in a grain of sand

that goes unnoticed

that lacks import.. 

until.. until those grains coalesce to form deserts

through which we search and research

for that grain.. for us

who holds the answers the cosmos or us

looking at the bigger picture

where have we lost ourselves

dementedly painting 

on and on and on and on

when you hold a hand that feels your own

don't let go or hurry  by

there are some moments that need to be felt understood

'cause it is a rare bond that makes you feel this way

sometimes i feel the need to cry 

and there you laugh gently chiding

for ever thinking you are not there.. 

sometimes i open my fists 

and the breeze laughs

at this semblance of letting go

sometimes i feel the futility

and the moon a dark orb

glows with pure sunshine

sometimes you write beautifully

and the words go berserk in this whim to capture

that dew of emotion quivering in your dawning smile

sometimes my heart aches 

unable to grasp this pure emotion

sometimes i search for that private space

and find you inside

sometimes i read my words 

and see your reflection there

sometimes i wonder at us and feel

the sunshine shimmering with love

sometimes the silences soar on unspoken wings

daning in pure celebration

sometimes, no every moment

i bas in HIS love

for i realize HE blessed me with you....

is it so difficult to let go of that anger that holds so

this disquiet that brings in a strangeness more hurtful than any blow could be

it's fog thicker than any nature could bring in

what is it that pulls away wrenching overcoming

the involuntary protesting cry....

a few words and the deep silence seeped in despair

weaves with unwavering love in a healing touch

that dances on the flute of eternity

in celebration of the stars held in eyes 

that dazzle his own heart with the gold within

and he shares the God inside

shedding the masks

lost in the sunshine of his own being

his soul soars in boundless joy on wings of belief

a smile gurgling like chimes

in presence of the breeze unseen.. unwavering..

the sound of the train echoing whispered words

breathed softly

that tender loving care seeping through

drugged with sleep.. and emotion.. 

the light of the heavens streamed down

and i flew above the clouds

clouds that seemed to mock my fear, my belief

in their constancy

that floated away light as a feather

at once awesome

vying with this rose.. this golden orange hue

mesmeric wooing compellingly

as if questioning this fixation with the clouds

at once burning soothing

in fiery splendour

and my heart.. drenched in this golden peace

tried desperately to fight the disquiet within....

it wasn't the censure in strange eyes that seared my soul

it was a fleeting glimpse in someone my own....

our parents miss us as we move away

dissatisfied.. discontented

they give us everything all of themselves

just as God does

and we slowly erode.. destroy everything

even ourselves..

leaving a legacy of tears behind

as we fight over land

as we exhaust our resources

as we truculently speak of rights

and sadly miss our legacies altogether

in these loud protestations of 'birthrights'

we negate altogether the 'creators' behind....

an angel touched me and filled every corner of despair

he thanks me with such feeling this blessing i feel all the time

distant sounds heard on the breeze

melodious notes like a refrain

an echo i hear all the time

your softly whispered words

unuttered hung in the air

what could i see

what could i hear

these dancing lights reflected in the sea

going deeper and deeper and deeper

creating rippled of their own

shimmering sparkling

as if running after shadows

finding their truth in fantasies

making their own avalon

and forever leave their glow

momentary ongoing eternal....

love undefined as footprints in sand

taunts playfully swirling fading spreading

hate overflows as molten lava

etched frozen still....

pain is there in all of us.. why do we focus on it more than the joys

something we look for all our lives

happiness! we never celebrate it with the abandon we searched

it's our release - uplifting yet we don't hold on

and the sorrows we don't need we make such a big deal of

like shackles holding us back still we can't let go

the chinks of light shining through the holes

how beautiful they look

you only see the light.. not the holes anymore

if it weren't for them how would you have realized

felt that beauty-

we try to close these holes and forever shut out the light....

just one wish.. and the echo dances on strings of eternity

nature cavorts playfully in your words seeped in emotions

through which silence speaks

alluring the soft chimes in myriad hearts

to gurgle with joy

feeling the presence of the breeze....

wistful moments captured in a heart full of cherished memories

that vacuum that darkness choked me so.. in that one momentary glimpse

within your smile

pure love bathes me in God's smile

then how can your dreams go unrealized

years of remorse drenched in pain beg to be freed

to cleanse this ache sheathed in an armour

shutting everyone out you continue to flog yourself

for past mistakes 

vacant eyes devoid of hope question in surprise that unthinking smile

those whispered words said with such feeling

he thanks me this blessing who with just his presence

made me feel so complete

i can feel the echo as i hear the emotion in his voice

despite years of conditioning and trodden path

cajoled tormented by the admonishments of a confused psyche

need soared to ceer from the trodden path....

does the shared laughter in an unbidden smile.. 

ever play on your lips

does that touch in a despairing moment

caring soothing take you unawares

does that warmth well in your eyes

betraying something unrealized....

what moment did i lose which cloud passed by

in that missed beat.. who entered inside

soft as petals do the first rays of the sun bathe you in their glow

as these changing colors of the leaves paint the 

softly rustling sound of missing

bathed in this golden glow of changing colors and seasons

this shimmering light vies with my eyes

cherished dreams turning to dust

these shifting sands form a temple yet again

as my heart waits for you....

the blue of the sky vying with the dusky pink

and the greenish grey sea

what mesmeric shades 

cleansing after the rain

as we see the rainbow in each other's smile....

the dark clouds parted just a little for this divine light streaming through

just as you called echoing my thoughts - have i ever told you

your voice nostalgically embracing the sights and sounds

how many 'dawns' did you greet for i felt one in my heart too

amidst the sound of your silent breath 

playing with the joyous chirping of the birds

a melody i could hear forever

pure music making each sense dance in abandoned welcome

to a fresh Dawn....

house of cards - 

how desperately insecure the soul that goes to so much trouble to put down another

how blind the heart willing to accept a strange glimpse negating everything held dear

how futile the relation that places it's trust in such weak hands....

exquisite moonshine defiantly fighting the clouds 

stardust an unending carpet of myriad hopes

sunshine warming everyone it touches

the freshness of dew so pure

the shade these trees provide

the constant struggle of the waves

this breeze all around me

the smile of a new born

the trusting hold of a toddler

the spontaneous hug of a child

raindrops soaking drenching

the sky with it's deep blue

the rainbow in all it's shades.. missing you

the autumn leaves whispering your pain

all mock this effort to contain

trying to name how i feel about you.. 

this need tearing haunting

what do i say to him

his plea for help

as helpless i stand

unable to appease

the disquiet within

the silent tears

his helpless love

a tired soul....

numb with hurt.. real or imaginary

we send one another to the farthest recesses of our minds

leaving a choked breath.. an empty heart buries forever

we curse for the pain inflicted

eyes overflowing disillusioned

and one day we realize

they are there no more

and this time we grieve.. for what....

as we cover the space between two hearts is the time we truly feel God

maybe because that is where he resides

in this festive season let us take this step

and welcome divinity not only in our houses but our hearts too

and see myriad lights of joy all around

with shaking hands a trembling within

i just sit here lost in his smile

these eyes sincere mesmeric look at me

moving something deep inside

his eyes speak more than his words ever could

his smile simply takes my breath away

lost spellbound i sit here

trying to unravel the mystery

of this impish angel

with eyes dancing with merriment

as if holding a deep secret....

each time you say it so differently 

each time it sounds so new

each time you make me feel so good

each time i feel it's  not just words you say

you give so much to me so selflessly willingly

and each time i feel the tears

shaken by such pure feeling

those painful words wrenched out of you

achingly shared

as you felt yourself open.. raw

what could i say except embrace and fill

with the deep affection within....

today i look up with tears in my eyes as i realize

with deep conviction

i need to touch the people i love 

and let them know NOW

how much they mean to me

for tomorrow we could just be 

a memory....

daffodils

i walk inside my heart and see your reflection
and i look for you
and i look for you
strangeness..
kindred souls..
slivers of recognition
beguiling into myriad turns
and i lose my way
but..
what is the destination
what is the journey
fleeting fragrance of daffodils
make me smile
and contented i falter
in this moment
in my walk.....

the outside again

such a momentous occasion
the happiness in his heart.. so deeply touched
i could never make up for this moment
as i saw it all playing on his face
those clear eyes - honest - candid
reflecting the joy.. the depth of feeling
hurt questions asked over the years
crumbling melting in broken understanding
hopeful excited as he found himself again
suffused with this haloed bubble of joy
i smile through each moment
lost.. fascinated .. by all those shades
of flitting emotions racing across this face
endearingly familiar.. so close to my heart
my eyes just brimming with pure affection
now as i sit here
i can feel the tears of his pain
his vulnerability
so closely felt.. and touched
finally struggling out of this spell
and letting me feel.. the outside again.. 

every moment

sometimes i wonder if we remain
on the fringes of an emotion
or get in so deep.. so deep
that any line any distinction simply vanishes
in this sea of pure feeling
and in euphoric exultation the waves try to reach
higher and higher and fall yet again
in this quest to understand
thundering tranquil alive moments
seeking their answers to questions yet unasked
emotions unplumbed unexplored new yet
just fringes of a self that needs to be touched
and hands guiding in this search
unknown step in.. as hesitant.. unsure
we surrender in awe of this unfolding
these windows that we can see
but others hold the key
gently helping us walk
this maze of our self.. and we see the magic
and we feel the mystery.. and we move towards meanings
held in this lifetime.. slowly flowering within us
and we look in these eyes.. mixed emotions
every moment an introduction
every moment a goodbye.. 

contain label or possess

bonds finding an easy echo into relations simply formed
then why do eyes searching still delve relentlessly
for something tangible
what goes unacknowledged
what needs a name
one that is so natural
one that was always there
running after familiar shadows
these strange realities dim
into vague shapes.. to fit our truths
and we smile.. and we hug.. this vision
clear.. illusive.. concrete emotion
in a concrete world
dismissing this bond of 'humanity'
that flowers so naturally in our hearts
it's fragrance not exotic enough
wildflowers that none nurtured
and yet the feeling spreads
with a riot of smiles.. in this natural pull of joy
spontaneous fresh rejoicing.. playing havoc with our heartstrings
igniting every pore.. till our need to contain, label and possess.. 

if only

those eyes .. eyes that spoke to me of a protest
hidden so long now.. involuntary.. earnest.. teasing

eyes that yearned to feel that dampness
slaking a thirst so long parched
for that one drop of relieved emotion
cleansing.. joyous.. free

those eyes holding myriad questions
tortured memories frozen in a choked breath
wrenching.. aching.. unappeased
follow me everywhere

moments that hold a lifetime's need
life that had rushed on for so long now
in a maelstrom of duties - fitting masks and
outward smiles.. the only requirements
in a superficial world

only the eyes.. eyes that painfully evaded
their own reflection
eyes that still breathed with truth
and dreams and emotion

eyes that looked at me
that looked at me and

left me gasping.. as i felt a soul so pure
a need so simple.. a hurt so devastating

eyes i hope could find only love there

no, i couldn't look away.. yes those eyes
follow me everywhere

yes they are your eyes
yes you can feel them too.. if only

if only we wouldn't avoid the eyes
if only we wouldn't question the look
if only we could say 'we understand'
and 'we care..'....

if only....